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The Power Within Illness
by author Mary-Lou Spencer-Benson, BSW, MA, PhD

Barb only heard one sentence: “No one has survived with this type of illness.”

Cathy immediately asked, “What can you do?” The response was, “We cannot operate—it has metastasized, but we can control the pain.”

Doris knew it was not true when the doctor said, “You have three, maybe four months to live.”

Evelyn could think of nothing to say when she was told, “The results are not good. With chemotherapy and radiation, you may gain a few months.” She stood up and left the office.

The culture we live in most often views illness as a “bad thing.” This is no more than an opinion-an opinion that, unfortunately, often leads to a self-fulfilling outcome.

Ten years ago, my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. He accepted this and prepared for his death. I was 55 years old, with five grown children and a Grade ten education. Now I was faced with the difficult adjustment of honouring his acceptance and improving his quality of life for the time left we had been allotted by doctors. How was it, I wondered, that there appeared to be miracle healings, but his was not one of them?

My quest for knowledge began. I registered in an undergraduate program at the University of Victoria, obtained a bachelor’s degree and worked as a social worker for three years. At the same time, I completed a master’s degree through Laurentian University in Ontario and registered as an interdisciplinary PhD student.

These ten years of formal education have encompassed much time spent in residential facilities for seniors. Yet I have seen little acceptance of illness or aging, but rather, a strong perspective that supports my belief that we can contribute to the creation of our own reality.

Now 65, I have had the privilege of knowing many who have faced life-threatening illnesses and overcome the lifespans given by medical professionals. Following, I have presented the paths of five women I interviewed as part of my post-graduate studies. These participants travelled a long and painful road from a shocking pronouncement by their physicians to transformation as a result of their illness. The names are fictitious, but the words are direct quotes from my interviews.

One of the common threads I discovered as I wove their experiences together was the use of what we normally see as negative emotions to reach their present state of well-being and improved quality of life.

Denial

Choosing to view their diagnoses as separate from themselves was useful for Doris and Cathy. Doris began avoiding anything relating to cancer in magazines, brochures, books, or on TV. She occupied herself fully with things that made her happy: gardening, reading novels, and surrounding herself with people who had a positive life outlook. She viewed her appointments for chemotherapy and radiation as trips that got her out of the house and always did something for herself at the same time-buying something that pleased her, or visiting the library.

Mary-Lou Spencer-Benson, BSW, MA, PhD, finds her work a rich and rewarding experience. She can be reached at mspencerbenson@shaw.ca.

Source: alive #253, November 2003