As Young as You Feel? :: Health and Disease

As Young as You Feel?
by author Jenn Farrell

Sometimes it’s easy to forget I’m getting older. I look in the mirror and there I am, same as always. I mention something about my teenager and people say that they can’t believe I’m old enough to be the mother of a 13-year-old.

But little signs of the inevitable are starting to creep in. Some of my older and wiser friends have helpfully pointed out some of the pit stops (and potholes) on the road of aging, in order to both prepare and terrify me. After all, is there any disease more horrible in our youth-obsessed culture than being old?

Might you be suffering from this hideous affliction? It pays to know the warning signs so that you too can prepare. Otherwise, there you are, thinking you’re still one of the cool kids, and whammo! someone asks if you’d like the senior’s discount.

To help you determine if you’re suffering from “getting-older-itis,” I’ve compiled the handy checklist you see above.

Remember, if you have any of these symptoms, all is not lost! I prescribe a Saturday night outing with your best friends and a bottle of wine. Go somewhere with lots of young people so you can laugh too loud, not care what anyone thinks, and embarrass them all. Because in a few years, they’ll be next…

The stores you used to shop in carry much smaller sizes. Why are clothing designers putting the places where your bosom and butt go so high?
The pillow creases on your face in the morning don’t come out until sometime after lunch.
Your kids, the ones who used to throw tantrums when you tried to leave them with a sitter, are now embarrassed to be seen with you.
You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and don’t recognize yourself, because the person you saw had at least 15 years on you.
You enjoy going to the movies, but why are they turning it up so loud? You can’t hear yourself think.
When something isn’t exactly what you asked for in a restaurant, you send it back. Twice, if need be.
You’ve worn the latest trendy styles–twice.
You’re really into your garden.
That clicking sound in your knee doesn’t go away after you’ve warmed up.
You’re the only person at the party who’s still using a camera with film in it.
After years of being the black sheep, suddenly, you’re the most responsible member of your family.
You see people getting into cars much nicer than yours who can’t possibly be old enough to drive, can they?
Your kids have to teach you how to use your new cellphone.
People say you look great–for your age.

Jenn Farrell is a Vancouver writer who likes to pretend she possesses the wisdom of age and the complexion of youth.

Source: alive #300, October 2007

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