… and other techniques for trying times
Carime Lane
Are you guilty of toxic positivity? The world changed dramatically in 2020, and many of us fought to remain positive and hopeful during these trying times. If you always try to look on the bright side, however, you may be sidelining authentic negative emotions that are important for growth. According to experts, it’s not positivity, but emotional agility that’s the key to resiliency and greater happiness overall.
By contrast, research shows that emotional agility can reduce distress and burnout and increase psychological performance in the workplace.
Of course, emotional agility is just one tool you can use during trying times. Making small tweaks, such as the following, to your lifestyle can also help.
Mood-boosting food | Why it might help |
fatty fish (salmon, sardines) | contain omega-3 fatty acids, which may prevent spikes in stress hormones |
leafy greens (spinach, chard, kale) | rich in magnesium, which may bring feelings of calm |
almonds | chock full of B vitamins, possibly helping you stay afloat during stressful times |
dark chocolate | antioxidants in dark chocolate may have a soothing effect |
oranges | vitamin C in oranges may help lower stress |
complex carbs | eating carbs may cue your brain to produce serotonin |
Processing difficult emotions is an important part of resiliency, because, as we know, life will not always go well. As Susan David explained in a 2016 Washington Post article: “Unless we can process, navigate, and be comfortable with the full range of our emotions, we won’t learn to be resilient. We must have some practice dealing with those emotions or we will be caught off guard.”
In March 2020, Carol realized she was focusing on childcare to the detriment of her work and began to feel resentful. Eventually, she mentioned this to Geoff. It came to mind that, while daycare wasn’t permitted, they could still hire a part-time nanny. Since the nanny could take care of the girls in their home, the family would be able to spend more time together.
“Our eldest has a new appreciation for being a big sister,” says Carol. “It’s a pleasure to see them play together more, and I’m fairly certain that this experience is going to have them be best friends for years to come. While COVID times have been challenging, they’ve brought us together as a couple and family.”
Their experience has also transformed the couple’s communication style from haphazard to intentional—now, they’ve cleared time for communication in their calendars.
“We address things more quickly, because we have that regular time of checking in,” says Carol.
Pre-pandemic, Alvaraz actively sought out opportunities to co-create. But, once isolation measures were in place, Alvarez thought this would no longer be doable. That changed when her school, Parsons School of Design, announced its 48-hour virtual design challenge. At first, Alvarez says she was worried the experience would be awkward and unworkable. Instead, she found it to be productive and interactive.
“In a Zoom call, people have to speak, because I guess we’re not really as comfortable with silence on screen,” says Alvarez. “So that made it a lot easier to have conversations.”
She now understands the value of virtual collaboration. “When I’m using my mind, I don’t need to be limited by my body being in a certain place,” she says.