Do you remember your sex ed experience? Maybe it was an awkward conversation at school, with the boys and girls separated into different rooms. Maybe it was an uncomfortable “the birds and the bees” talk with your parents. Or maybe you learned too much one day while surfing the web with a friend—yikes!
Thankfully, there is a better way. Sexual health education has come a long way in recent years, with skilled educators who have made it their mission to equip kids with the skills they need to stay safe and empowered. As parents, we can learn from them.
Does the thought of these conversations make you uncomfortable?
Many of us were brought up with a sense of shame surrounding these topics, but there’s nothing to feel shameful about. “What parents tell me is that once they reframe it from a safety perspective, they feel more comfortable,” says sexual health educator, Saleema Noon.
Why does sexual health education matter?
Saleema Noon is a Vancouver-based sexual health educator with more than 25 years of experience. She and her team visit BC elementary and middle schools to provide comprehensive sexual health education for children.
“Sexual health education is about science and safety,” says Noon. She explains that sexual health education starting at an early age is vitally important for three key reasons: protection, prevention, and preparation.
Supplements for growing bodies
Kids and teens have a lot of growing to do! Take time to speak with your primary care provider, who can recommend nutrition tips and potential supplements.
For children, common supplements include multivitamins, vitamin D, probiotics, and omega-3 fatty acids. For menstruating tweens and teens, an iron supplement may also be helpful in replenishing stores lost during monthly periods. Too much iron can be harmful, so it’s important to ask your doctor about your child’s unique needs.
1. Protection
Teaching kids to be “body scientists” equips them with the same terminology that doctors use, so they can understand health information and vocalize exploitation in a way that others understand. Doing this teaching at an early age catches children when they are curious rather than embarrassed (as older kids can sometimes be).
2. Prevention
If safe adults don’t teach children, someone else will. Siblings, playmates, media, and even pornography can be a child’s first source of information. This information can be unreliable and even harmful.
“We need to preload kids with accurate information,” says Noon. “Then, if they come across something they aren’t sure about, they know they can talk to you. We also help them think critically. Knowledge is power.”
3. Preparation
Children who learn sexual health education from an early age are less vulnerable to abuse. “Predators know what to look for in vulnerable kids,” says Noon. Plus, vulnerable kids are less likely to report abuse, because they haven’t been taught to do so.
A brave new world
Arguably, media and technology play a bigger role in our lives (and our children’s lives) than ever before. This brings about benefits, as well as parenting challenges. Here are sexual health educator Saleema Noon’s top tips for navigating these challenges.
Acknowledge the good. “Don’t let your kids think you hate social media,” says Noon. “Remain open so they will talk to you about it, and make sure they know they can come to you if they make a mistake.”
Have ongoing conversations. These conversations should start before kids get their first phones, and should not stop.
Create a plan. Sticking to a plan that includes boundaries, safety measures, and supervision is essential.
Educate yourself. Our kids can easily know more about the online world than we do. Unfortunately, so do online predators. Even certain online video games can come with real safety concerns. Do your research and keep learning.
How to start talking …
It’s all about scaffolding. According to Noon, parents can start doing some things (like using the correct body terminology) on day one, with babies. Discussions of consent can also start at a very young age.
For example, Noon suggests letting young children decide how they want to say goodnight to guests. Perhaps they want to give a hug or kiss, or a high five or handshake, or even just the word “goodnight.”
“Kids learn early on that they can practise consent. They become comfortable being in control of their own bodies,” says Noon.
Preschoolers and kindergarteners can learn the foundations of body science, according to Noon. This can help them understand, for example, that their baby sibling grows in a special place called a uterus, rather than in the “tummy” where food is.
This scaffolding continues as kids grow older. Noon recommends normalizing these discussions and using opportunities that come up naturally. “Don’t have one two-hour conversation. Have many two-minute conversations,” she suggests.
As children grow older, parents can include more nuance in the conversations and add discussion of family rules, beliefs, and values. She recommends teaching boundaries … that sex is for grown-ups only and is against the law for children.
Help prevent risky sexual behaviour
Contrary to what you might have been told, kids who get sexual health education at an early age delay their sexual debut and have sex at an older age. “They don’t feel the need to engage in risky behaviours to get answers to their questions,” explains Noon.
…and how to keep talking
“We can’t expect our 16-year-old to come to us with questions if we haven’t taught them we are a safe place,” says Noon. “This is why early conversations matter.”
When talking to preteens and teens, Noon stresses that listening is more important than talking, and suggests casual conversation openers. “Got two minutes? I want your thoughts on this,” and “A lot of parents don’t talk to their kids about this until they’re older, but I think you’re mature enough for it” are two of her favourites.
Finally, Noon wants parents to know that it’s okay to have a “B team” that kids go to. Maybe it’s an aunt or trusted family friend. If teens want to discuss their concerns with safe adults, that is perfectly fine. After all, it takes a village!
Fifty years ago …
In the 1970s, sexual education was wildly different than it is today! Back then, Saleema Noon, sexual health educator, tells us, it was more likely to be framed as “family life education” rather than “sexual health education,” and it was not required in schools.
“It was steeped in gender stereotypes,” Noon says. “There was a binary perspective. Good versus bad. Boys can do this, but girls can’t, and so on.” The focus was on “solving” the “problem” of sex, Noon explains, with adults instructing young people not to have sex. This approach simply doesn’t work.
Today, educators take a comprehensive approach. This includes emotional and social aspects, like consent and healthy relationships. These days, students of all genders learn together. “Gender is beautifully complex,” says Noon. “Plus, we know how important it is for kids to learn about all bodies, not just their own.” Learning what someone else is going through helps us become more understanding and empathetic—lessons we can take with us well into adulthood.
Puberty 101
Here’s how parents can help support their kids during this big change:
- Puberty can begin as early as eight and nine years old, so Noon explains that we need to start talking about it before this time, so it doesn’t come as a shock. Explain to your child that bodies change, and what they can expect.
- Noon also stresses that it’s important to explain puberty changes in a gender-inclusive way. “If you think about it, with the exception of periods and wet dreams, most changes happen to all of us as we grow up, such as body hair.”
- We can also use inclusive language like “people with uteruses” rather than “girls” who get periods. “That way, when we talk to kids, they feel seen, heard, and included in the conversation,” says Noon.
- Check with your primary care provider about your child’s specific health needs, such as supplements (see sidebar).
- If applicable, consider the various options for period products that exist. These days, pads, tampons, menstrual cups, and menstrual underwear (even organic versions) are widely available!
Learn more
Sexual health educator Saleema Noon’s website has a host of resources for parents (including free webinars) at saleemanoon.com/resources, as well as a newsletter sign-up form at saleemanoon.com, where parents can receive a new, free Smart Things to Say resource every two weeks. Finally, she recommends amaze.org and amaze.org/jr for short and engaging educational videos to watch with your child.
This article was originally published in the August 2025 issue of alive magazine.
Leah Payne is a writer, author, and editor based in Vancouver, BC. She is the author of Get Outside! and Less is More. (Headshot credit: Notting Hill Photography).
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