Gentle Pivots

Why do New Year’s resolutions fail so often? In part, it’s because the framework around which these resolutions are built is based on a success-or-failure binary. In psychology, we refer to this as “all-or-nothing thinking,” a cognitive distortion that leaves no room for flexibility or progress, which invariably sets the New Year’s resolution up for failure.

For example, consider a resolution like “I will exercise every morning before work.” It sounds admirable, but what happens when you miss a day due to illness, a baby sleeping poorly, or a late-night work deadline? In the all-or-nothing framework, you’ve “failed,” and that sense of defeat can lead to giving up entirely.

Cognitive behaviour therapy

The concept of cognitive distortions has been around since the late 1960s when American psychiatrist Aaron Beck, MD, first developed the foundations of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

A significant aspect of the CBT process involves challenging these types of cognitive distortions and replacing them with more positive frameworks. According to Beck, cognitive distortions are the result of processing information, resulting in errors in thinking.

Originally, Beck had six cognitive distortions:

1. arbitrary inference
2. selective abstraction
3. overgeneralization
4. magnification and minimization
5. personalization
6. absolutistic, dichotomous thinking

These were later renamed and expanded by American psychiatrist David D. Burns, MD, in 1980:

• all-or-nothing thinking
• overgeneralization
• mental filter
• discounting the positive
• jumping to conclusions
• magnification
• emotional reasoning
• “should” statements
• labelling
• personalization and blame

These are all very interesting rabbit holes to go down, but for the purposes of the gentle pivot, we will focus on the all-or-nothing cognitive distortion.

All-or-nothing thinking

A cognitive distortion associated with perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking can be detrimental to achieving one’s goals. If we shift the focus from the perspective of doing something perfectly to just simply doing it, we may be able to integrate more sustainable, healthier behaviours.

Accomplishing something small but consistently is much better than doing something perfectly for a short period of time. If we shift our focus toward goal setting with smaller, more achievable goals, we can focus more on progress, not perfection.

Going from zero activity to greater-than-zero activity is an excellent start. You don’t need to hop off the couch and run a marathon to see the positive impacts of physical activity. So, setting a goal, like “I will increase my physical activity this month by walking two evenings a week,” allows for flexibility in addressing life’s inevitable ups and downs. It’s actionable, realistic, and adjustable over time. You can build on it gradually, moving from two walks to three or adding light strength training when you’re ready.

Similarly, with diet, you can aim to phase out certain items and phase in certain items gradually. For example, set a goal like “I will incorporate a leafy green into at least one meal a day” or “I will only order takeout twice this week.” These are incremental steps toward a larger goal as opposed to going straight to a grilled-chicken-and-steamed-broccoli-every-meal diet. This flexible approach fosters resilience. Instead of a pass-or-fail mentality, it creates a mindset of growth, where every small step forward counts.

Tips from a psychologist

As a mental-health researcher and chartered psychologist interested in CBT, I find it essential in my professional (and personal) life to understand how to address cognitive distortions like all-or-nothing thinking.

I have certainly fallen into the trap of making New Year’s resolutions to hit the gym seven days a week, only to cancel my gym membership by the time February rolled around. An important aspect of this is recognizing that most things in life are not black and white, and there is a broad spectrum of grey in between these extremes.

Avoiding language such as “always” and “never” is an excellent place to start. Rather than focusing on perfection, homing in on the process and on incremental improvement can provide both positive feedback and greater motivation.

Setting achievable goals that are realistically attainable can give you the satisfaction of reaching those aims and the opportunity to set new, slightly more ambitious goals. Maybe this week you run around the block, the next week you run around two blocks, and next thing you know, you’re running farther than you’d ever imagined you could.

Begin from within

As you step into the new year, release the pressure to reinvent yourself completely. Instead, focus on small, intentional shifts that align with your values and lifestyle. By letting go of rigid resolutions and embracing the gentle pivot, you can begin from within, renewing your mind, body, and spirit in a way that feels both sustainable and deeply satisfying.

This January, don’t aim for a complete overhaul. Aim for progress, because true transformation doesn’t come from drastic changes made overnight. It comes from the quiet, consistent choices you make every day.

This article was originally published in the January 2026 issue of alive magazine.